What You Don't Need

I promise that at some point, I will move beyond all of this philosophical BS and show you some actual photos and projects.  But if you've avoided decorating until now, these are probably the reasons why.

1.  "I'm just not creative!"  Neither am I.  Really.  I'm a thief, plain and simple.  Just about every idea I've ever had has been stolen from a magazine, Pinterest (if you aren't on Pinterest, get on NOW--tons of great ideas), or a friend.  Friends are key.  Associate yourself with some artsy types, and you'll never have to think for yourself!  I couldn't do my job without my partner--she's the one who comes up with the random, creative ideas, and I just take credit for it.

2.  "I'm as handy as a drunken monkey."  Yep, me too.  But my philosophy is, if it's not working, what's the worst I can do--make it more broken?  Assess the worst that can happen, and if it's not too scary, just dive in.  I decided years ago that I hated the cheap looking 12", peachy colored floor tile that surrounded my fireplace.  I told my husband (who really is as handy as a drunken monkey) we should bust it out and retile it.  He said it was beyond our scope.  I tried to envision the ways it could go horribly wrong, and couldn't think of any, probably because I had no idea what I was doing.  I decided that if I really screwed it up, it would cost less than $200 to have a professional fix it, so I was going to give it a try.  He left the country on business, and before his plane even took off, I was hacking away at the mortar with a screwdriver and hammer.  The result?

I'll go over this project with you in a while, and believe me, it's truly Half Assed, but it's pretty, right?  And by the way, before you comment, I'm clued into the fact that my husband's "It can't be done" routine is simply his way of not having to do it.  It's a universal talent of those who possess what my doctor friend called the "broken X (y) chromosome."

3.  "I don't have the budget to decorate."  Well, you could be right.  Only you know your finances.  But, as I've said ad nauseum, I am extremely cheap.  I'll try to give you an idea ahead of time how much a project will cost.  Most will be no more than it costs a family of four to eat out, so make some homemade pizza and hit Redbox one Friday night and make your house pretty instead.

4.  "I don't have the space/time."  If you feel that way, you probably don't love decorating.  If it's fun for you, you'll make the time.  I will often forgo making dinner for my family because I've gotten caught up in a project and we all have to eat sandwiches instead.  That's okay with me, my kids love sandwich night, and they love it when I'm in a good mood because I got to do something I like.  When I get to Half Assed organization and purging, we'll talk more about small spaces.

The Powder Room: Express Yourself!

When I decided to redo my powder room a few years ago, I decided that this tiny room is the perfect place in your home to add some whimsy and really express yourself.  I had found a really cute french memo board and decided to create a place for my guests to express themselves.  I hung the memo board on the wall, and a small shelf on which I placed colored scraps of cardstock and metallic gel pens, then let my guests do the decorating for me,

Since then, I've moved, and the new powder room didn't have a big enough space to hang the memo board, so it now hangs in our guest bath, along with these:

My husband got me these vinatge paper dolls for Christmas a few years ago (Grace Kelly and Bette Davis) and I decided it was a crime to keep themn the book where no one would see them, so I mounted them on textured black craft paper with double sided tape, framed them with cheap frames, then hung them up.

I still wanted that bit of irreverence in the powder room, though.  Since I had ordered a bunch of vintage ads from eBay a while back to put in my laundry room, I brought them into the powder room.  They're hilarious, they provide a bit of reading, and they add the fun aspect I like to see in there.

Lastly, I stole this idea from a magazine:  frame a fortune cookie fortune.  And when your fortune cookie tells you to "Never smell the inside of a hat," it's begging to be framed.

I saw an idea on Pinterest where someone had taken Polaroids of guests each time they came over and tacked them over the fireplace.  While I wouldn't put them over the fireplace, I would definitely cover the walls of my powder room, so as soon as I can pick up a cheap Polaroid camera, I see this happening at my house.

If you're a bit too traditional to go nuts in your living space, try working outside the box in your powder room.  Your guests will appreciate it!

Found Art

I'm all about instant satisfaction.  If there's a blank space, I must fill it immediately.  And when you're Half Assed and cheap, that's pretty easy.  Look at those blank areas in your home.  If you're waiting for just the right thing, why not fill it with just the okay thing for now?  If you already own it, or if it's really cheap, why not use it as a temporary place filler?

I was at a friend's recently.  She has been telling me for about two years that she needs my help picking out something to dress the two story wall over her fireplace.  While we were discussing it, she mentioned a large mirror she had sitting on the floor of her bedroom.  She said she didn't know if it would work.  Well, there's only one way to find out!  I picked it up and brought it in and leaned against the wall on the mantel.  Then we took a few items from around her home and finshed the space off.  It took all of ten minutes, but she'd kept the space blank for two years.  It may not be the perfect arrangement she's been dreaming of, but it looks 1000 times better than that blank space, so it fits the bill perfectly until she finds the perfect things.  So let's work with what you have and fill some blank areas.

I have found that you can turn just about anything into something decorative.  If it's flat, add a mat and a frame and it's art.  If it's three dimensional, paint it to match.  Here are some nontraditional items I've turn into decor.

Vintage ads from old magazines.

T-shirts. 

Paper Dolls

Vintage menus

Jigsaw puzzles (kids room)

Mouse pads (kids playroom)

Old records

These are old recipe cards from the 70's I stuck to the pantry door.

I've matted and framed children's book covers to decorate my son's room.  I've stuck cool looking coasters to the wall near the bar with Command velcro strips.  My kitchen is full of cheap, melamine plates with cool desgns on them that I stuck to the wall, again using Command velcro.

My partner is the best at three dimensional found art.  I recently found a box of old pencils from my grandfather's company.  They're different looking-a little smaller than standard, and they definitely look old.  She pointed out how cool they'd look in an old jar next to the metal pencil sharpener I'd also gotten.  In an office, on a shelf, they'd be great decor.

In other words, stick something, anything, in that empty space, leave it there for a few days, and if you still don't like it, take it down.  Just do it!

Ultra Cool Wine Bottle Light Fixtures

Guest post by Lynn.  I have two things to envy about Lynn (well, two that I'm mentioning here):  One, she's a better writer than I am.  By far.  And Two, she has a very handy husband.  I'm the handy one in my house, which really only means I'm the one willing to give it a shot and figure it out, not that I have any actual skill.  So, without further ado, heeeeere's Lynn!

Pinterest is a thing now. I was fairly late to the party, many of my friends found it ages ago. But it has been a spark for some ideas lately, and I love sparks.

 One spark led to several projects inside and outside our home. I saw this idea posted a few times on Pinterest, and followed the photos to blogs, but sadly, there were no instructions, so I did my own googling, and researched how to make these lights on my own.

 http://pinterest.com/pin/217158013251941620/

http://pinterest.com/pin/217158013251941468/

The hubby took over the grunt work, as is his habit, and experimented with several techniques, before landing on what works best for him. There are several tutorials on how to go about cutting wine bottles, none of which worked exactly as the instructions spelled out. What we settled on was a method which used the best of several tutorials. I won’t go into all the details, if you really want to pursue the project, you can shoot me a message, or do your own googling and experimentation.

 Sorry I didn’t take any pictures of the glass cutting process; much of it went on after I’d gone to bed, because hubby didn’t care for my kibitzing. J The gist of it is as follows:

• Obtain a good supply of wine bottles, the break rate tends to be fairly high, especially at the beginning (save your favorites for later, when you’ve gotten the hang of it. Clean them and remove the labels – or leave them on for a more rustic, bar-like look.
• Purchase a glass cutting implement. Hubby attached ours to a wooden block and a vise, to stabilize the bottle while scoring it with the glass cutter. You’ll need to score the entire circumference. Once or twice around with the cutter should be sufficient.
• After scoring, dip the bottle into boiling water for 15-30 seconds. Then dip it immediately into an ice water bath. You should be wearing protective goggles for this, just in case.
• The bottle should go back and forth between boiling water and ice water until you hear a distinctive popping sound. At this point, the portion of the bottle below the score should have popped off the bottle.
• If you’ve gotten a clean cut, the next step is to buff the edge to a smooth surface with a dremel or sandpaper. Hubby used several grades of dremel bits to get the finish we wanted.

Okay, so once you’ve collected enough cut bottles, you’ll need to purchase the pendant lights. We found them at World Market for just under $10 each while they were on sale, and after coupon. http://www.worldmarket.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11652058 They also carry white and silver. We prefer the look of black cords and housing/mount.

We decided to play around with height and placement, so hubby used painter’s tape to mask off the placement of the countertop, and then measured out where we thought the lights would look good. We taped rope up, and moved it around a few times, until we were happy with how the placement looked both from the family room and both sides of the kitchen.

This was an integral part of the planning… where we had originally planned to hang the lights looked simply awful once we taped up the rope to look at it. Had we hung them, there would have been much regret, and the added expense of repairing drywall and moving the lights.

 After living with the taped up ropes for a few days, we then hung eyehooks, and tied the ropes up, hanging several bottles. This helped us figure out the appropriate height for each bottle, and let us play around with shapes and colors, work out whether we preferred symmetry to randomness. Again, proper planning allowed us to avoid a costly mistake. Once the pendant cord is cut, there is no adding it back… at least not cheaply.

We got the arrangement where we were happy with it, and then the installation of the pendant lights began. Hubby has these wired into the existing can light he recently installed above the sink, but eventually, they will be on a separate switch, because we want to be able to dim these even when that light is on full blast.

The placement of the lights also takes into account our eventual plan to replace the heinous white laminate countertops with granite, and the bar counter will be significantly wider then, allowing for barstools along this expanse of counter.

Again, I’m not sure if this is half-assed, because hubby actually used to work for interior decorators, as a contractor and carpenter… but it was super cheap, and a lot of fun. The result is something we know no one else we know has, but several have expressed interest in copying. Oh, and the other project I alluded to is this vegetable garden edging. We got so many bottles from a neighborhood Italian restaurant that we decided to put our recycling to good use. Our home decorating doesn’t have to end at the front and back door, you know!

Oh, and we’re about to get our Etsy shop back up and running, and will have some of these lights listed, for anyone who doesn’t have the time, patience, or inclination to undertake this project, but wants to have it in their home. http://www.etsy.com/shop/PinkPolkaDotPoodle/sold

Thank you Lynn, for saving this Half Assed blogger!

Half Assed Apology

Who knew that I would be Half Assed about blogging?  Life gets particularly crazy here around the end of the school year, but I am actually working on several posts.  I have one in the hopper about last summer's master bathroom makeover, and one in mind about decals, but I need to actually have ten minutes free while someone else is here to film me.  I've also been spray painting everything that isn't alive in my backyard, so it wouldn't hurt to take some pictures of that.  I'm hoping to catch up this weekend.  In the meantime, I will follow this "I suck" post with a guest post by the fabulous Lynn.  Her projects are not Half Assed, but they are definitely DIY and stunning, so give them a shot.

How To Be Random

I am so the wrong person to be writing this post.  My partner is the one who's good at the random.  I'm the anal retentive one who puts everything in a straight line, where it looks too....anal retentive.  I truly have to force myself to be random, and it doesn't always work.

You may ask me, how can you possibly be both Half Assed and anal retentive?  I really don't know.  I'm certainly not a perfectionist (as you've seen, if you've been reading this blog), nor am I a clean freak.  My toilets might get a good five minute's cleaning a month, if we're lucky.  But I am a neat freak.  In other words, random crap strewn everywhere will make me so uncomfortable I can't sleep, but my sink might look like someone threw up in it at any time.  Obviously, this does not make me very nice to live with.  But I digress...

1.  Pick different heights.  As you can barely see in this Half Assed photo, when I applied the two decals to the wall in my living room, I "hung" the chandeliers at different heights.  Even though the shelves are balanced, and it would have looked perfectly balanced to hang them at the same height, I forced myself into random mode and hung one higher.  Even better would have been to hang them both together, on one side, at different heights, but I wasn't ready to go there yet.  Give me a few more years of therapy... 

2.  Consider "weight".  You can be both random, and balanced at the same time, if you "weight" your items.  Look at the objects and assign them a "weight", based on their size.  Imagine for instance, if  you're constructing a mantelscape, and you have three candlesticks of different heights.  One is seven inches tall, one is four inches tall, and one is ten inches tall.  If you place the two smaller ones on one side, they will balance out the taller one on the other side.  (7+4=11, 11 is fairly close to 10) and yet there's still a feeling of balance.  This is a good method to apply when you're dressing an entire room or rearranging furniture.  You don't want the room to look too "heavy" on one side, but two small chairs can balance out an overstuffed love seat, while still looking more interesting than two identical loveseats.

3.  The Rules.   If you're anal retentive, you'll need rules if you're ever gonna be random.  This is what I've heard/read about decorating.

When grouping items, odd numbers are always better than even ones. Check out these images from the Pottery Barn website:

When working with items of varying heights, the tallest should go to the left.

Don't ask me why, I have no idea, this is just what I'm told.  I do what I'm told.

Chistopher Lowell used to say that you needed to always leave 36" of walking space between furniture items.    I don't buy that one.  My coffee table is about 17" away from my couch.  Any further, and I couldn't put my feet on it or reach my drink--what's the point of that?  But obviously, don't place the furniture too close together.

4.  Don't be afraid to mix shades of colors and patterns.  Who says you can't?  One of the main reasons people are afraid to decorate with color is that they're way too worried that a chosen color will be hard to match.  If there's no matching involved, there's no worries!  My lime green living room isn't exactly lime green.  In fact, the walls are a tasteful beige and dark brown, and I've picked up items, pillows, and fabrics in probably a hundred different shades of "lime green".  Basically, if it's a green that's more yellow-y than brown-y or bluish, it works.  (In my mind, anyway).  I've zoomed in on a photo from that room and identified the different shades of green:

And the patterns?  I count at least seven in these two photos alone.  If the colors are in the same range, they'll be fine.  If the patterns are in the same style (preppy, mod, romantic, etc.), they'll work together. 

5.  Work outside the box, literally.  Don't be constrained by the natural lines of the room and the items.  This is really hard for me to do, I usually have to enlist the help of friends.

T

This was a room redesign we did years ago.  The frames placed outside the picture moulding vastly improved the look of this mantelscape.

This photo was shamelessly stolen off the 'net.

One of the big advantages to being random is that it suits the Half Assed lifestyle.  Rather than using a laser level to hang two pictures at exactly the same height (and getting it just a tad off, not to where anyone can notice it, but just enough to bug the hell out of you), hang them at two different heights, and you never have to worry!  The biggest sign of a decorator look is the injection of the random, and my clients' all-time favorite features of the rooms we've done have always been the random features.  Stack your books in a vertical pile rather than horizontally, and stick a random object on top and feel the rush of being a rebel!

More Using What You Have: Old Dressers

Or chests of drawers, or chester drawers (yes, they really do say that in the south!)

When my husband and I first got married, his father let him clean out the family's storage facility, which was full of things that belonged to my husband's grandmother.  A load of mid-century marvels.  Mid century was not a thing back then,and the furniture was definitely considered dated and out of style.  Plus, we had a three room apartment at the time, and nowhere to keep half the stuff.  I cry when I think of the amazing stuff we sold at garage sales to pay the rent back then.  But I digress.  What we did hang onto were the dressers, because we needed somewhere to put our clothes.  These dressers found their way out of use in the bedroom, but who can part with extra storage, especially cool, fashionable mid-century storage?  To be honest, I think I tried to sell them at one point, but had no takers.

If you have the extra room in your living space, a nice dresser can become a credenza, a buffet, a bar...use your imagination.  We put one in the living room, against a wall (gasp!), behind the couch, with walking space in between.  It houses all of my scrapbook stuff (I'm a Half Assed scrapbooker as well), and supplies for the kids' school projects.  Normally, it's dressed on top with a lamp, some tchochkes, and a photo or two, but here it is dressed up for Christmas:

The other one became a buffet/bar in the dining room.  Here's a photo and video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_R7LU6Ij3Es

Maybe I'm deluding myself.  Maybe these dressers look like bedroom furniture in the living space.  Who knows?  All I know is it's functional.