Half Assed Apology

Who knew that I would be Half Assed about blogging?  Life gets particularly crazy here around the end of the school year, but I am actually working on several posts.  I have one in the hopper about last summer's master bathroom makeover, and one in mind about decals, but I need to actually have ten minutes free while someone else is here to film me.  I've also been spray painting everything that isn't alive in my backyard, so it wouldn't hurt to take some pictures of that.  I'm hoping to catch up this weekend.  In the meantime, I will follow this "I suck" post with a guest post by the fabulous Lynn.  Her projects are not Half Assed, but they are definitely DIY and stunning, so give them a shot.

How To Be Random

I am so the wrong person to be writing this post.  My partner is the one who's good at the random.  I'm the anal retentive one who puts everything in a straight line, where it looks too....anal retentive.  I truly have to force myself to be random, and it doesn't always work.

You may ask me, how can you possibly be both Half Assed and anal retentive?  I really don't know.  I'm certainly not a perfectionist (as you've seen, if you've been reading this blog), nor am I a clean freak.  My toilets might get a good five minute's cleaning a month, if we're lucky.  But I am a neat freak.  In other words, random crap strewn everywhere will make me so uncomfortable I can't sleep, but my sink might look like someone threw up in it at any time.  Obviously, this does not make me very nice to live with.  But I digress...

1.  Pick different heights.  As you can barely see in this Half Assed photo, when I applied the two decals to the wall in my living room, I "hung" the chandeliers at different heights.  Even though the shelves are balanced, and it would have looked perfectly balanced to hang them at the same height, I forced myself into random mode and hung one higher.  Even better would have been to hang them both together, on one side, at different heights, but I wasn't ready to go there yet.  Give me a few more years of therapy... 

2.  Consider "weight".  You can be both random, and balanced at the same time, if you "weight" your items.  Look at the objects and assign them a "weight", based on their size.  Imagine for instance, if  you're constructing a mantelscape, and you have three candlesticks of different heights.  One is seven inches tall, one is four inches tall, and one is ten inches tall.  If you place the two smaller ones on one side, they will balance out the taller one on the other side.  (7+4=11, 11 is fairly close to 10) and yet there's still a feeling of balance.  This is a good method to apply when you're dressing an entire room or rearranging furniture.  You don't want the room to look too "heavy" on one side, but two small chairs can balance out an overstuffed love seat, while still looking more interesting than two identical loveseats.

3.  The Rules.   If you're anal retentive, you'll need rules if you're ever gonna be random.  This is what I've heard/read about decorating.

When grouping items, odd numbers are always better than even ones. Check out these images from the Pottery Barn website:

When working with items of varying heights, the tallest should go to the left.

Don't ask me why, I have no idea, this is just what I'm told.  I do what I'm told.

Chistopher Lowell used to say that you needed to always leave 36" of walking space between furniture items.    I don't buy that one.  My coffee table is about 17" away from my couch.  Any further, and I couldn't put my feet on it or reach my drink--what's the point of that?  But obviously, don't place the furniture too close together.

4.  Don't be afraid to mix shades of colors and patterns.  Who says you can't?  One of the main reasons people are afraid to decorate with color is that they're way too worried that a chosen color will be hard to match.  If there's no matching involved, there's no worries!  My lime green living room isn't exactly lime green.  In fact, the walls are a tasteful beige and dark brown, and I've picked up items, pillows, and fabrics in probably a hundred different shades of "lime green".  Basically, if it's a green that's more yellow-y than brown-y or bluish, it works.  (In my mind, anyway).  I've zoomed in on a photo from that room and identified the different shades of green:

And the patterns?  I count at least seven in these two photos alone.  If the colors are in the same range, they'll be fine.  If the patterns are in the same style (preppy, mod, romantic, etc.), they'll work together. 

5.  Work outside the box, literally.  Don't be constrained by the natural lines of the room and the items.  This is really hard for me to do, I usually have to enlist the help of friends.

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This was a room redesign we did years ago.  The frames placed outside the picture moulding vastly improved the look of this mantelscape.

This photo was shamelessly stolen off the 'net.

One of the big advantages to being random is that it suits the Half Assed lifestyle.  Rather than using a laser level to hang two pictures at exactly the same height (and getting it just a tad off, not to where anyone can notice it, but just enough to bug the hell out of you), hang them at two different heights, and you never have to worry!  The biggest sign of a decorator look is the injection of the random, and my clients' all-time favorite features of the rooms we've done have always been the random features.  Stack your books in a vertical pile rather than horizontally, and stick a random object on top and feel the rush of being a rebel!

More Using What You Have: Old Dressers

Or chests of drawers, or chester drawers (yes, they really do say that in the south!)

When my husband and I first got married, his father let him clean out the family's storage facility, which was full of things that belonged to my husband's grandmother.  A load of mid-century marvels.  Mid century was not a thing back then,and the furniture was definitely considered dated and out of style.  Plus, we had a three room apartment at the time, and nowhere to keep half the stuff.  I cry when I think of the amazing stuff we sold at garage sales to pay the rent back then.  But I digress.  What we did hang onto were the dressers, because we needed somewhere to put our clothes.  These dressers found their way out of use in the bedroom, but who can part with extra storage, especially cool, fashionable mid-century storage?  To be honest, I think I tried to sell them at one point, but had no takers.

If you have the extra room in your living space, a nice dresser can become a credenza, a buffet, a bar...use your imagination.  We put one in the living room, against a wall (gasp!), behind the couch, with walking space in between.  It houses all of my scrapbook stuff (I'm a Half Assed scrapbooker as well), and supplies for the kids' school projects.  Normally, it's dressed on top with a lamp, some tchochkes, and a photo or two, but here it is dressed up for Christmas:

The other one became a buffet/bar in the dining room.  Here's a photo and video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_R7LU6Ij3Es

Maybe I'm deluding myself.  Maybe these dressers look like bedroom furniture in the living space.  Who knows?  All I know is it's functional.

Grouping For Impact: The Furniture

Please, please, PLEASE, if I teach you nothing else, don't push all of your furniture up against the walls.  Back before even the days of Trading Spaces, I watched a lovely man named Christopher Lowell on the Discovery channel, I think.  Though I watched all the time, I don't remember anything he did on the show but three things:  He liked to put an uplamp on the floor under a ficus tree, he had a deathly fear of white ceilings ("It looks like a bedsheet draped up there!"), and he advised against putting the furniture up against the walls.  While I don't fully understand the white ceiling thing (to me, it's kind of like the Trading Spaces vendetta against ceiling fans), I completely agree with him on the furniture.  And until I saw him screeching about it, I had my furniture up against the walls.  But once I moved it in a bit, I realized the how proper furniture placement can make even a room with cheap, mismatched furniture look 1000% better.

My partner and I offer a service called a room redesign.  For a flat fee, we will spend about five hours remaking a room with what the client already has.  Then, we leave the client with a decorating plan--colors, shopping ideas, etc.  It hasn't taken off as a concept as much as I'd like, and I can see why.  I mean, most people don't relish the idea of spending $250 and not getting anything new, especially if you think what you have already is ugly.  But I can swear to the fact that the few clients who have made the investment have been completely satisfied with the value of the service.  Just rearranging the furniture and making better use of the decor can result in a transformation that's pretty overwhelming sometimes and leave the room looking like a decorator has been there.  The very first thing we do in a room redesign is rearrange the furniture.

Now, mind you, we're not the Trading Spaces people.  We know that in Texas, you must have a ceiling fan.  We don't pretend that most people don't spend the bulk of their time at home in front of the TV, so we're never going to suggest that a client sacrifice their comfort and the practical uses of the room for style.  That would be silly.  As silly as gluing straw to the walls of a home with children living in it.  But it's possible to arrange the living room furniture so that you can still see the TV from the best vantage points, yet it might look like someone would have an actual conversation in there.  (You don't have to actually do it, but if the room looks like it's arranged for it, it will look better.)  Pull your furniture in from the walls.  Make a circle with it, or a square, or a square that's open on one side (for the TV).  Keep the furniture close enough that, if you were actually having a conversation while sitting on couches, love seats, chairs, etc., you could actually hear each other without shouting.  At first, it will look cramped to you.  That's because you're not used to it.  Unless you have a toddler that needs to practice their tumbling nightly on your living room floor, any more than eight feet of space between two pieces of furniture that are facing each other (or a couch facing the TV) is wasted space.  And wasted space, beyond being a waste, makes the room look cold and impersonal.  Take a look at how our first room redesign client had her furniture arranged:

How was anyone sitting in that rocking chair going to talk to anyone on the couch?  Sign language?  Why do you think most guests congregate in the kitchen?  Because they're closer together and they can talk to each other!    Now look what happens when we bring the furniture in:

You can still lay on either couch and watch TV, but it looks inviting, right?

If you're thinking that your space really only allows for one particular furniture arrangement, you may need a fresh set of eyes to help you.  Invite a friend over for some coffee (or wine) and heavy lifting.  (Put those Moving Men I mentioned in my toolbox post to work, and it's really not difficult.)  That's really what our clients are getting when they pay for a room redesign--that fresh set of eyes to find the new uses and arrangements.

While you (and your drinking buddy) are reassessing the space, consider a different angle, literally.  People tend to have the furniture echo the lines of the walls, and this is not always the most efficient use of space.  Thinking this way is too limiting, but it's something we all fall into.  Remember my living room photos?

Even I, the girl who rearranged my living room every time my husband left town in our last house, couldn't see another potential arrangement in this room.  Our TV was in a built-in niche opposite the couch.  Well, we recently inherited a ginormous TV from my father in law, and it didn't fit in the niche.  There was nowhere else to put it, so I had to rearrange.  I first put it against the window (the one my back was to when I took this photo, moved the couch to where the green chairs are, moved the chaise to where the couch is, and had the green chairs in front of the fireplace (not up against the fireplace, a few feet in.)  This arrangement meant that the very first thing you saw when you walked in my front door was a ginormous TV.  Not the impression a decorator wants to make.  Not to mention the eerie blue light that shone out every one of the windows in the front of my house at night.  So I had to start thinking on the angles instead of the walls.  I had the couch line up with the bar from my kitchen instead, essentially rotating everything about thirty degrees.  I wasn't sure at first if it was awkward, so I made myself live with it for a week.  Now I love it.  And I've gotten tons of compliments on it already.  As with every experiment I suggest, spend a week or two with it, even if you hate it at first.

I never know how to end these posts.  So that's it.  Get to work!

Grouping For Impact: Making Small Objects Larger

A big mistake most people make when decorating is spreading things out (artwork, furniture, decorative objects).  Later this week, I'll take you through one of our room redesigns, where we remake a room using what the client already has, and then we'll discuss furniture, but right now, let's talk about artwork and objects.    If you have, say, a ten foot wall and two small pictures, doing this:

only serves to make your wall look empty, and the pictures look smaller.  But if you group them together, like this:

the look is more thoughtful, and the pieces, combined, look like a larger piece of art.  You don't need to cover all of the empty space, you need a place for the eye to focus. 

If you have a lot of small pieces that you're attached to, consider grouping them together for more impact.  For instance, photos can be put in matching, or similar frames, and then "collaged" on a wall.

All of our sepia-toned, older family photos are grouped together in a hallway in silver frames.

These are current black and white shots, in silver frames.  Some of them could use some straightening!

Or, you could go completely nuts and cover the wall entirely.  I did this in lieu of a headboard, before we got one.  I think I saw the idea in a Pottery Barn catalog, though in the catalog, the frames were all different colors.

The same can be done with small objects.  If you have several similar items, they will make more of an impression in a group than scattered about the room, even if that means you have a few empty spaces here and there.

Do you have a collection?  Frogs, clocks, cameras, lighters, vintage hand mirrors?  Put them in a group!  We have taken old, empty frames and collaged them on a client's wall for impact.  She loved it.  This is a great budget method as well--if you need something to fill a spot, consider buying random, old candlesticks individually at yard sales and grouping them together.  Or cheap vases and paint them the same color, or different shades of one color.

When collaging photos on a wall, I saw an idea on Pinterest where they used painters masking tape surrounding the frame to evenly space the pictures.  If you're really OCD, that might be the way to go.  Since I'm usually adding pictures over time, I just eyeball it.  Don't over think it.  That should be my motto.

Guest Post! Another Fabulous Fireplace Redo

Sorry folks, the Half Assed Decorator had a family emergency two weeks ago, and things have been really nuts around here, which means I haven't had time to write.  Luckily, in the midst of this, a friend redid her mantel with a gorgeous faux finish glaze, and I was so impressed, I begged her to write it up for all of you to enjoy.  She was kind enough to do so, and I'm hoping she might be inspired to write another one for us in the near future to show off her amazing wine bottle light fixtures.

Lynn has a bold sense of style, and I was blown away by what she's done with her place in the short time she's been there.  Enjoy!

We have been slowly renovating our home, which we purchased as a short sale foreclosure about a year ago. What buying a home in this situation often means is that it is in very bad shape. Our home was no exception.

There was only one room painted when we moved in, all the rest were still builder beige, and most of the walls showed signs of having never been cleaned in a decade of hard living. Oh the stories these walls could tell. We know only hints of the home’s history, provided in hushed tones by disapproving neighbors.

We painted the family room shortly after moving in, because the beige was mind numbing. Big improvement. Whether you care for our dark color choices or not, it’s an improvement over the beigy beigeness that was dominating the entire downstairs.

We thought it looked great, were happy with it. But something felt slightly off, and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Then, along came a photo on my FaceBook live feed. My sister in law’s sister posted a photo of her adorable daughter, posing in front of their mantle. They had a similar cast concrete, fakey stone mantle. But theirs was no longer glaringly white. It was a lovely brown finish. I immediately shot her a message, to find out how it was done.

Pretty simple really. One quart of base color paint, in our case, four shades lighter than our wall color, one quart of glaze, one quart of the wall color (only because we used it all up, and needed more for touch up).

First step, clean the mantle thoroughly.

Next, mask off the walls and fireplace surround with painter’s tape, and apply the base coat. We let it dry overnight, and didn’t worry about a few white bits showing through where deep pock marks were.

The next day, we cut up an old tshirt, and mixed up the glaze. One part dark brown paint, four parts glaze.

Ball up the scrap of t-shirt, and dip it in, pat off excess, and dab it onto the surface. Mash the ball of t-shirt around in the general area, and play around with the glaze until you get a look that appeals to you. When you mess up, wipe some off, and try again, or go over it with a second coat later.

Not sure if this is half assed, but it sure was super inexpensive. We spent roughly $45 on the mantle redo, and could have done it even cheaper, if we’d used the leftover wall paint, because it only took about 3 ounces of that color out of the quart we purchased. So really, the project should price out at under $30.

We ended up with a faux finish that doesn’t necessarily look like stone or marble, but certainly looks better than the glaring white we started with. At least WE think so, and frankly, isn’t that what decorating is about? Making your home appealing to the people who live in it…at least that’s how we see it. 

Well done, Lynn!  I can't wait to try this project!

Half Assed Chandelier

Just a quickie today. 

Remake your ugly, brass light fixture that came with your house.

http://youtu.be/tIqeCQA4zhY